Finding a Middle Way: Navigating Grief During the Holidays
For many, the winter holidays bring twinkling lights, familiar traditions, and a sense of warmth. But for anyone grieving, the holidays can be a tender and heavy time.
Finding a middle way
Grief shows up in many forms, whether it’s the
loss of a loved one or pet, the ending of a relationship, a life transition, health challenges, or unmet expectations. Many people feel pressure to either do nothing or go through the motions, but there is a middle way. This path allows grief, love, pain, and joy to coexist, no matter the source of loss.
In past interviews on CBC Radio and Radio-Canada, I reflected on how grief appears during the holidays and shared ways to navigate it with presence and compassion. While the CBC interview is no longer available, the French Radio-Canada interview can still be accessed here (interview begins at 10:19).
In this interview, I shared a simple phrase that continues to return to me: “Le deuil est une façon qu’on exprime notre amour – qui est éternel.” In English: Grief is one of the ways we express our love — a love that is eternal.
The holidays don’t erase grief. They invite us to tend it.
They invite us to make room at the table for both the light and the dark.
Why the Holidays Can Feel Especially Hard
The holiday season is full of expectations: how we should feel, what we should do, how we should show up. But grief rarely obeys the calendar. Some of the ways it shows up include:
The pressure to be festive can feel suffocating. The world sparkles while your insides feel dim or raw.
The absence is louder. An empty chair, an unhung stocking, or realizing you no longer need to buy for someone who is no longer here. These moments hit harder this time of year.
Traditions change, even when you’re not ready. Sometimes you can follow them with tears in your eyes. Sometimes even stepping into a grocery store feels like too much.
The body remembers. Anniversaries, sensory memories, and rituals can awaken old grief in unexpected ways.
And yet, woven into these experiences are flickers of light: gestures of kindness, moments of comfort, and the quiet relief of being seen.
Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving
People often worry about “saying the wrong thing” or “making it worse.” The truth is, you don’t need perfect words. You need presence. Presence can be beautifully simple.
Here are a few ways to be a soft landing for someone this season:
Acknowledge their experience.
Name it gently: “I imagine this time of year could feel tender for you. How can I support you?” A simple acknowledgment can break the isolation grief often brings.
Invite them to come as they are.
Let them participate at their own pace. Offer a quiet corner, a moment outside, or permission to leave early. Flexibility is a profound kindness.Speak the name of what or who has been lost.
Share stories, light a candle, cook a favourite dish, or place a photo on the table. Recognition matters, whether the grief is over death or other life changes.
For Those Who Are Grieving
You are not alone. Your grief is uniquely yours, shaped by your life and love. Still, there are people who will sit with you, cry with you, laugh with you, and hold a candle when you cannot.
Here are a few gentle reminders for navigating the season:
You don’t have to do the holidays the way they’ve always been done.
Skip traditions that feel too painful, reinvent others, or create entirely new rituals.
There is no right way to grieve.
Your path is yours to define.
Joy doesn’t cancel your grief.
Laughter, warmth, or delight doesn’t diminish your love or loss. It means you’re human.
Rest is allowed.
Step back, slow down, and give yourself permission to breathe. Grief is quiet, unseen, holy work.
Rituals That Hold the Both/And
As a celebrant and legacy guide, I’ve witnessed how small, intentional rituals can allow grief and love to coexist. Some people find comfort in:
Lighting a candle for someone who has died
Setting an empty place at the table
Hanging a meaningful ornament
Sharing a story each evening
Writing a short note or letter to what or who is missed
Making a small donation, gesture, or act of kindness in their honour
Ritual doesn’t have to be elaborate; it only needs intention.
Tending the Dark, Welcoming the Light
If you’d like a dedicated space to reflect, honour your losses, and embrace the returning light, I invite you to Tending the Dark, Welcoming the Light, my solstice-inspired online ceremony on December 18, 2025. It’s an inclusive, quiet space to breathe, remember, and gently mark the season.
Click image for more info and to register.
As we move through the darkest days of the year, may we remember: grief has its own wisdom and rhythm. It asks us to slow down, to honour what’s been lost, and to notice the threads of love that remain.
Let grief have a place at the table.
Let it sit beside joy.
Let both be held.
Wishing you gentleness, connection, and whatever light you need this season.
If this reflection spoke to you, consider joining the next free, online Heart of Being Human gathering.
Twice a month, we come together for real, nourishing conversations about the stuff of life: what it means to live with intention, to care deeply, and to keep our hearts open to change and connection.
Photo credit: Emma Love Photography
Author: Karla Combres
As a Legacy Guide & Celebrant, I help individuals, couples, families and organizations make the big and small moments in life count, and shape their legacy along the way. I offer:
Drawing on my vast experience as a Life-Cycle Celebrant and in working with people at the end of life, I am uniquely qualified to help people move through transitions meaningfully and to think about how they want to leave this world so they can live better now.
I’m based in Saskatchewan, Canada and serve clients worldwide. Read more about me here.